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Post by TUFF747 on Wed Jan 23, 2008 10:03 pm

1) A man is walking through the bush and finds a lamp. He wipes It clean and a genie pops out. He says you get 3 wishes however whatever you get your wife gets double What U get. Man says ok i want a BMW, It appers and the genie says your wife gets double . The he says i want 10 million dollars, he gets it and the genie reminds him bout his wife getting double what he gets. The the man thinks for a while and says "Fuck it i want to get beaten half to death...... " Very Happy


2)What did 50 Cent say when Eminem made him a sweater?
Gee, you knit!


3)What was the last thing tickle me elmo receives before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles


( If you don't get number 2 & 3 your really dumb )

4)Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass
a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying her flowers.

The redhead sighs and says: "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers
again."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"

The redhead replies: "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."


The blonde says: ........"Don't you have a vase?"


5)A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and say hello.

He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my back with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my arse???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says,














"No, I'm your son's maths teacher."


6) A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were camping when they ran out of food. The brunette went out hunting and came back the
next morning with a deer.How did you get that? asked the redhead. Well, said the brunette found the tracks, followed the tracks,
shot the deer.

The next night the redhead went out hunting. The next morning she came back with a bear.How did you get that? asked the
blonde. Found the tracks, followed the tracks, shot the bear, said the redhead.

The third night the blonde went out and the next morning she came back brusied, bloody, and clothes torn.
What happened said the brunette? The blonde replied, found the tracks, followed the tracks, got hit by the train.

7)A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.

The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?"

One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"




Hahahahaha if you don't get any of these you must be really slow..
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Post by TUFF747 on Fri Mar 07, 2008 3:10 am

tell me no one has read these..

there funny as hell

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